Divorce:

Jan. 2006 HI; IS THERE A BIBLE VERSE THAT SAYS A WOMAN CAN DIVORCE HER HUSBAND BECAUSE THERE WAS A FEW TIMES OF VERBIAL ABUSE? IF SO CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE TO FIND THEM? WE WERE MARIED 7 YEARS DATED 2 YEARS. I MIGHT HAVE RASISED MY VOICE 25 TIMES IN TEN YEARS. IM A COMBAT DISABLED VET WHICH SUFFERS FROM POST TERMATIC STRESS DISORDER. IM NOT USEING THIS AS A EXCUSE. I KNOW WHAT I DID DOESNT LINE UP WITH GODS WORD. I HAVE ASKED GOD TO FORGIVE ME AND HELP ME WITH THIS SICKNESS. I HAVE TO TAKE SEVERAL MEDS FROM THE VA JUST TO FUNCTION. THE LAST YEAR WITH ALOT OF PRAYER AND NEW MEDS I HAVENT HAD ANY PROBLEMS. WILL YOU PLEASE RESPOND I DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE MY WIFE OF 10 YEARS WE ARE BOTH BORN AGAIN CHRISTIANS. THANK YOU SO MUCH MICHAEL Dear Mlchael; I'm sorry it has taken me so long to reply. The only Biblical reason for divorce is adultery. Verbal abuse is not a Biblical reason for divorce. But if you have been abusive to your wife for a long period of time, she may no longer care whether it's Biblical or not, she may just be so tired of it she has to leave. Telling her she is being un-biblical is not going to win her back. I have found that people have an amazing capacity to forgive and your wife may be able to forgive you for the hard words. Since you are both Christians, you have a better chance of reconciliation because you have access to the throne of God. If you are serious about saving your marriage, I would be doing some serious prayer time. You need to go to your wife and humbly ask her to forgive you for your harsh words and you need to forgive her if she has spoken harshly to you. Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

  Dancing and Dress:

Dec. 2005 What does the bible say about our appearance, how we should dress? What about dancing, is it ungodly to dance? Thank you and God Bless Hello; Thank you for viewing the web site and thank you for your question. Here are some verses concerning dress: 1 Tim 2:9-10 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. 1 Pet 3:1-5 Likewise, ye wives, … Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands We are to dress in a modest manner but we are not given a cookie-cutter description of what modest means. In other words, there is no list… dresses two inches below the knee … sleeves to the elbow … neck line above the collar bone, etc. Woman can be completely covered and still be dressed in a provocative manner. Each person is going to have to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit on the issue of modesty. We are given an idea of what a haughty or provocative dress is in Isaiah: Isa 3:16-24 Moreover the LORD saith, Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tinkling with their feet: Therefore the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the LORD will discover their secret parts. In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and their cauls, and their round tires like the moon, The chains, and the bracelets, and the mufflers, The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings, The rings, and nose jewels, The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins, The glasses, and the fine linen, and the hoods, and the veils. And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty. The problem arises when we take into account socially acceptable dress for the time that we live in. Two hundred years ago, jeans and a sweater would probably be considered provocative. But today if they aren’t tight fitting, they are considered modest. Another restriction that the Bible places on dress is that men are not to dress as women and women are not to dress as men: Deu 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God. This verse doesn’t mean that women are not to wear pants or men are not to wear dresses. If that were the case, Jesus would have been in violation of the Law. It means that women are not to dress as men and present themselves as men and visa versa. As for dancing, there is no restriction against dancing in the Bible, as least not that I’ve been able to find. People stress out about dancing because if it is done in a provocative manner to cause someone to lust after you, that would be a sin. Therefore, it’s easier to tell people NO DANCING at all so that you don’t run the risk. However this is another area that should be left to the Holy Spirit. In most cases, when dance is mentioned in the Bible, it is dancing as praise to the Lord: 2 Sam 6:16 And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD (1 Chron 15:29) Psa 30:11-12 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever. Psa 149:3 Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp. Psa 150:4 Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs. Ecc3:1-4 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; Jer 31:13 Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, both young men and old together: for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow Exo 15:19-21 For the horse of Pharaoh went in with his chariots and with his horsemen into the sea, and the LORD brought again the waters of the sea upon them; but the children of Israel went on dry land in the midst of the sea. And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with dances. And Miriam answered them, Sing ye to the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously; Dancing as a sign of rejoicing: 1 Sam 18:6 And it came to pass as they came, when David was returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, that the women came out of all cities of Israel, singing and dancing, Jer 31:4 Again I will build thee, and thou shalt be built, O virgin of Israel: thou shalt again be adorned with thy tabrets, and shalt go forth in the dances of them that make merry Luke 15:25 Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard music and dancing. Here are some verses that speak of dancing as a worldly thing where the dancing was done in a provocative manner: Exo 32:19 And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses’ anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount. Jud 21:21 And see, and, behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in dances, then come ye out of the vineyards, and catch you every man his wife of the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Benjamin. 1 Sam 30:16 And when he had brought him down, behold, they were spread abroad upon all the earth, eating and drinking, and dancing, because of all the great spoil that they had taken out of the land of the Philistines, and out of the land of Judah Mark 6:22-24 And when the daughter of the said Herodias came in, and danced, and pleased Herod and them that sat with him, the king said unto the damsel, Ask of me whatsoever thou wilt, and I will give it thee. And he sware unto her, Whatsoever thou shalt ask of me, I will give it thee, unto the half of my kingdom. And she went forth, and said unto her mother, What shall I ask? And she said, The head of John the Baptist. So, we are not given a cookie-cutter description of acceptable dance either. But really, we all know when we are being provocative. If we are born again Christians, we have the leading of the Holy Spirit. However, it is perfectly acceptable for an older woman to take a younger woman aside and let her know if she is behaving in a manner that might not be considered modest. I would just caution you if you plan to do that … it might not always be received in the manner in which you intend and she might take offense. Titus 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

  Adultery - Forgiveness:

Dec. 2005 I HAVE A QUESTION IF A PERSON COMMITTS ADULTERY, AND HAS NOT TOLD THEIR SPOUSE YET IS THEIR A POSSIBILITY THAT THEIR CAN STILL BE FORGIVEN FROM GOD EVEN IF THEY DON'T TELL THEIR SPOUSE.. IN THEIR HEART THEY REPENTED TO GOD, ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS, AND AS WELL MADE EVERY STEP TO NOT DO IT AGAIN, AND PUT THEIRSELF IN THAT SITUATION AGAIN.. ARE THEY STILL FORGIVEN BY GOD... Thanks for your question, it’s not an easy one. There are a few verses I’d like you to look at: Psa 32:5 I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah. 1 Jn 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. These verses show us that confession to God is what's required for forgiveness. Psa 32:5 says “I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD.“ If we sin, God is the one we have sinned against and He is the one we are to ask for forgiveness. When David committed adultery and murder, he prayed for forgiveness and he asked for forgiveness from the Lord: Psa 51:1-4 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. However, there are a couple things I’d like you to notice about these verses. When talking about sin, David said “I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.” and “mine iniquity have I not hid.” So, part of the process of repentance is not trying to hide your sin. Jam 5:16 Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. Also notice what Jesus said: Mat 5:23-24 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. It’s interesting that in Matthew, right after these words are recorded, he goes on and talks about adultery. If we sin, we sin against God, we must confess to God and God is the one that offers forgiveness. But clearly, confession to other believers is also important, it shows true repentance.

  Marriage, studies, children:

Dec. 2005 My daughter left South Africa with the express purpose of furthering her studies (she received a scholarship at Malone College in Canton Ohio). To cut a very long story short she has in the 1 ½ years she's been away got married, dropped out of college and is planning to start a family and defends all her actions as being Gods will. When we try and give her any sort of advice we get bombarded with scripture that she has memorized. How can we get her to be real. We also love God and she was raised in a Christian home, but its like she has forsaken us all together and accuses us of trying to tell her how to live her life. This cannot be further from the truth. What would be the biblical way to handle this situation. We were always a very close family, but she has become a stranger. Regards Sandy Dear Sandy: Thank you for your email. It seems that your daughter is old enough to move to another continent and go to college. So, I’m assuming that she is over 18 years old. The fact is that she’s an adult now and already married. From here on out, her choices are her own and she will have to deal with any consequences. Advice is fine as long as you realize that the decisions are her’s now. Additionally, if you are giving her advise against her marriage, then I might have to agree with her. She’s a married woman, God’s stated will for her now is to leave her mother and father and cleave to her husband because they are one now. Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. As hard as it is, and as hard as it is for me to say it, it’s time to let go now. If you don’t, you will loose your daughter all together. Maybe you should try to keep the lines of communication open and not offer any advice unless she asks. At that age, she believes she knows everything. Given time, she’ll appreciate your advice more. Keep praying… after all, you don’t know God’s will for your daughter’s life, but God does. So my best advice for you now is pray, pray, pray.

  Hurtful Comments:

Dec. 2005 My youngest daughter has a part of my heart and I have a drawer of letters saying that she is so thankful that I'm her mother but today after a discussion of her destructive life style she suddenly turned on me and all at once I became a subhuman life form and she informed me had it not been for her father none of my 3 children would have made it to adulthood. My daughter is 36 years old and has grown to be very irresponsible and is heading deeper into a life without Christ, please give me some insight. Your sister in Christ Jackie Dear Jackie; When you love someone intensely, you are giving them the power to hurt you intensely. I hope that your daughter said those things in a moment of anger and that she didn't really mean them. The problem is that no matter how sorry you are, you cannot take words back once they are spoken. That's why we are told in the Bible to keep a close watch over what we say: Psa 34:13 Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. Prov 15:2 The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness. Prov 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: 1 Pet 3:10 For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: When dealing with your daughter, please be careful not to say anything hurtful in response to the hurtful things she says. No matter how sorry you are, you can't take it back. You need to keep your daughter in prayer at all times. We can't force anyone to turn to Jesus, but there's power in prayer, and God moves in response to the prayers of His saints. Pray that your daughter's heart will be softened and that she would turn back to the Lord. Psa 55:17 Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice. Prayer is the answer. It always is. God is in the business of changing people. God can change the heart of your daughter.

  Numerology:

Dec. 2005 Hi my name is Candace. For the last few years I have been seeing the numbers 1;11 or 11:11 more often 1:11 this is usually seen on the clock but has been seen on buildings, receipts ect... I read from your site that acts 1:11 is shown as the event of Christ return to earth . Do you think this could be a message frm God the end is near or him just saying he is near to me ... I have been going thru a lot of trials and tribulations that have me battling everyday Please if you have any insight to this could you please write back Thank you Candace Dear Candace: Thank you for your email. You can't use the verse numbers to add something to God's Word or take some extra message or meaning. The chapter and verse numbers are not really part of the inspired Word. They were added later for convenience. God has stated very clearly that we are to watch and expect his return at all times. Mat 24:42, 44 Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come. Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh 1 Tim 6:14 That thou keep this commandment without spot, unrebukeable, until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ: I don't think God has to send us a coded message, he has been very clear in His Word. He said that we should expect his return at all times and he is always with us. I find GREAT ENCOURAGEMENT in that message! When you feel discouraged, go to the Lord and seek comfort in knowing that we have access to His throne through Jesus: Heb 10:19-22 Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh; And having an high priest over the house of God; Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith,